The Ripcord....

I could feel her tiny little heart beating rapidly as she wrapped her arms around my neck and buried her tear streaked cheeks into my shoulder. She whispered but one small word, “Stay..” and lifted her little face up to look into my soul.. Pleading so sweetly for me not to leave her here at this place, where stranger upon stranger gather as big huge school buses drop off loads of other faces she does not know.

She is scared.

The sweet and friendly teachers she knows  from the years that her siblings have spent here all compliment her on her new sparkly school outfit and matching twinkle toe shoes. She knows this place, she knows these people – but that does not matter – it is like we have never been here before.

I suddenly feel like a new parent. Not a seasoned Mother of four with two older children who have been through this same experience. Not a Mother who knows and trusts this wonderful elementary school and its staff here at the JCS .

 I feel scared.

I remember when my husband and I were dating, we took a trip to Canopie Lake Park – it might even have been transforming into Six Flags as it is known today. There was a new ride called the sky coaster. The ride involved getting suited up in a harness and lifted up into the air 150 feet. You (the rider) and your counterpart were given a ripcord to pull as the announcer counted backwards from five. Once the announcer hit the number one you were to pull the cord.

I decided once we reached the top of the ride that I did not want to go through with it. My husband, however had the ripcord. As I told him in terror that I had changed my mind, he laughed a little, leaned into me and pulled the cord.

We free fell an exhilarating 150 feet and continued to swing and free fall some more. At first, my eyes were closed tight, my face was buried into my chest and breathing was not an option. But, as the ride started to slow a bit, I opened my eyes and actually enjoyed the cooling breeze on my face and the view was pretty amazing – the experience like one I had never since felt .

I don’t think I would get on that ride again – and although Life has certainly given my husband and I our fair share of “Sky Coaster” experiences – I am glad that I was brave enough to try.

I imagine that is how my little girl is feeling today.

Anyways, the two of us stand nose to nose in this excited crowd and just stare at each other. We both know that in a minute I will leave her here, and at that moment something will change between us.. Something will be left behind as I walk away.. and neither of us are sure we are ready to let it go.

I hug my third child for what most certainly was too brief of a moment and whisper in her ear “Be brave love bug”…

She nods, bites her bottom lip, blinks back the tears --  I smile, turn away and pull the rip cord…