BLOG: Change is in the Air

“STRUMmmm…”  We are interrupted by the digitally assimilated sound of  an acoustic guitar. I watch as my eleven year old politely pretends to ignore the incoming call  – a form of cell phone etiquette that most adults do not even practice – and I smile at her mature response..

We continue our casual discussion about her latest school assignment in ELA (English Language Arts) and I watch as my daughters eyes trail from mine over  to the counter where her new fangled, purple covered cell phone impatiently awaits her attention.  The ringtone apparently set to a nice guitar strum –  It’s a pretty sound . Really it is…

Anyways,  the sound grabs both of our attention as she resists the urge to eagerly scoop up her phone to see who has sent her yet another text.

I try not to appear curious…Although, I will never stop casually asking her who she is talking to via text on her cell phone. We finish our conversation she hugs me while simultaneously grabbing the device that is the new BFF in her life and scoots off into her room…

They step off the school bus, my two middles (what we call our second and third children) – “He” with his jacket hanging half on and his cheeks pink and “She” with her sparkling silver earmuffs on over her bright pink “Hello Kitty” hat.

As quickly as he arrives home, he leaves again – stopping for a brief minute to kiss my cheek and ask permission to go see his friend down the street. He throws his hand up in the air to show me that he has grabbed a couple of the newly baked cookies off the table and nods a smiling nonverbal  “Thank you” over his shoulder as he runs off.

My third child drops her stuff at my feet, shoots me an award winning glance and cartwheels into the house where she runs to greet her younger brother.  I watch as the two hug and decide to throw on snow boots and sweaters and head oustside to search for animal prints in the snow. They blow by me with hurricane like force and I am left in a wake of mittens and hats gone awry – I am chilled by the air that rushes into my home as they leave the back door open on their way out.. Never looking back..

I close the door. I feel lonely. I sit on the floor by the French door window and look outside.  My house is quiet. How I longed for quiet days when there were two cribs in my house and double the diaper changes and feedings… And now, I wish it were different – although I will never admit it to anyone but you --those who read this post…

My heart aches a little and I cannot help but think about how my parents must feel from time to time..

The cat – who has also been watching the insanity unfold, sits beside me on the floor. I swear he shoots me a brief confused look before he decides to join me and watch the birds eat from the bird feeder.  I have a sneaking suspicion that even the cat thinks I am nuts.. Or maybe he feels it too.. Some shifting of things…

Change is in the air this cold January day.  I have a funny feeling that I should breathe it in and embrace it.  But that is not so easy to do..

It is moments like these that I realize how short this time with them will be. And as  I watch my children grow into these magnificent little beings… It is difficult to let go and let them grow – Knowing that with each transforming day they take a tiny step away from me… So I guess I should bid this phase of parenting a strongly proud Adieu – As I will not admit defeat!! But, I feel made vulnerable by the lump that is stuck in my throat.

I close my eyes and listen to the purr of my feline companion and I think of something my hometown pastor, friend and mentor said the other night at one of many celebratory pre-retirement ceremonies for his 42 years of service as Senior Pastor to the Old South Union Church (South Weymouth) “"How blessed am I to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard." I sigh as his words ring gently in my ears.. And I cannot help but feel that his words will apply to many moments in my life in the years ahead…

How true it is..

And how blessed am I..